How to stop the Bully!
Adult bullying
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Adult bullying is most commonly found in the work place. However, Adult bullying can take place anywhere from your front yard, to the local car wash. The work place bully is the same type of personality as the school yard bully. The workplace bully, is very much like the school yard bully, in that they never really learned how to coexist with others. Workplace bullying can be extremely detrimental to the happiness, and moral of the entire company. Work place bullying can create a stressful work environment, it can also be the source of violence in the workplace. What happens in this case is that the victim feels completely helpless. They may have already reported the bullying to their supervisor. In some cases the bully might even be the super visor.
The best approach to dealing with the workplace bully is to separate yourself from them. If this is not a possibility, then the victim can sometimes make progress by talking to the workplace bully. However, this effort can sometimes increase the occurrences of being bullied.
If you are being bullied at work you must create a verifiable record of being bullied. the following list will give you some ideas of how to document cases of bullying.
- Create a file on your computer at the office. Do not label it as "Bully files" save it as something of little interest to others who have access to your computer, or password protect the file. In this file keep a daily record of occurrences where you or a workmate has been bullied. Keep a daily record of bullying incidents. in your log, keep track of witnesses, time and date of occurrences. write down any account of threats or violent actions. By keeping an updated record of incidents, you will have shown that the issue is a serious matter. You can then take the issue up with Human resources in your company.
- Depending on the location of where the bullying is taking place, you can also record or video occurrences of bullying, using your cell phone, web cam, or other recording device. Although in some states it is required that you inform the subject of your recording prior to doing so in order for the recording to be able to be used in court. Your main purpose of the recording is to demonstrate the bullying behavior for the sake of providing proof to your employer or Labor board
By keeping accurate documentation of incidents of bullying, you will be better prepared to explain reasoning for your dismissal in the event that you are wrongfully terminated.
How to stop the workplace bully:
Adult bullying, much like childhood bullying usually is a sign of insecurities within the bully. The best way to put an end to the bullying is to call attention to the issue. Ask the bully directly "what's your point?" If their reply is negative or sarcastic, simply say "You keep thinking that!" and walk away. If their response is more of a positive reply then address the issue accordingly, while maintaining a respectful tone. By maintaining a positive, respectful tone, your may be able to lead the bully into showing more respect to others. Adults are more capable of causing emotional, as well as physical harm. If you find yourself as the target of the bully at work, there are things that you can do to stop the bullying.
- Don't let the bully know that they are getting to you. Once they find the sensitive button, they will continually push the button over and over again.
- Immediately report instances of bullying to the supervisor.
- Avoid arguing with the bully. nothing will be resolved by arguing with them and it will only fuel the fire.
- Always take the high road to the bully, don't get involved with mudslinging or exchanging of insults.
- Try to remove yourself from the area in which the bully is bullying you.
- Inform the bully that you may have no other choice other than to report the incident to your supervisor.
- Sometimes you can squash bullying by simply looking at them and reminding them that they are an adult.
- Try to humor your way out of being bullied, without being offensive.
- Do not come down to the bullies level and exchange insults. It is always better to set a positive example.
- Try your best to demonstrate respectful behavior to the bully. Respect is contagious.
Often, people that are victim of workplace bullying don't know how to react to the bully. or are at a loss of words when the bully is attacking them verbally.
Below are some comebacks that you can say to the bully without offending them or fueling the fire.
- "That's funny!" as you are walking away.
- "Really?, what are you 12?"
- "NICE" while walking away.
- "You just keep thinking that" (My favorite)
- Laugh with a sarcastic tone
- Sternly "HAVE A NICE DAY!" (and a fake smile)
- simply smile and walk away.
Physical conflict:
If the bullying has gotten to the point of physical conflict, you may be able to avoid fighting with them by reminding them of the repercussions of fighting. "you are willing to risk your job, face criminal charges, and potential injury over this? Are you serious?" as you walk away. In most cases, the bully does not want to fight you. They are trying to have control over you. If you are able to convince the bully that you are not afraid of them, they will most likely leave you alone. Stand up to the bully! Do not cower away from them!
Sometimes that is a cold slap of reality to the bully and they realize that it is not worth risking those things.
Sometimes the bully has made up their mind that they are going to assault you. Proper martial arts training can give you the tools that you need to be able to defend yourself. There are however, basic strategies that can be applied without having to forgo years of martial arts training. These strategies can get you out of a sticky situation or Two, but having a more detailed strategy will most certainly give you the advantage.
MOST of the time, a bully will back down when they are confronted. If you lack the skills to properly defend yourself, use caution in confronting the bully. Even those who are highly skilled, face the risk of personal injury as a result of standing their ground. Remember, Most bullies don't really want to fight. They have gone through life making people feel afraid of them. This makes them feel strong and confident. When you show them that you are not afraid, they become less confident, and in most cases will find another target.
You are not going to be able to change the bully's ways, or get them to stop being a bully. But, you can get them to stop being a bully to you.
In the event that you find yourself thinking about violent vindictive thoughts about the bully, talk to someone about it! By keeping your feelings and emotions bottled up in side of you, you risk the potential of one day exploding and behaving irrationally.
Signs that your spouse/domestic partner is being bullied in the workplace:
The following is a list of some behavioral traits that may be displayed as a result of workplace bullying.
- Depression
- Displaying signs of hopelessness
- Displaying signs of wanting to quit
- Easily agitated
- Loss of self confidence
- Loss of self esteem
- Exaggerating (making comments or statements that seem boastful, or egotistical)
- Loss of self respect
- Taking less pride in their appearance
- Lower Libido
- Nervous twitching, scratching or picking
- Sudden stuttering
- Anxiety
